disclaimer: I don't really believe in secrets. I like being able to trust people. I have a hard time seeing the negative consequences of being uncomfortably truthful.
It is pretty clear at this point that I am unable to handle the ordinary pressures of college. going to classes, writing essays by due dates, being around attractive people, etc.
But I don't really see any other good options and I've tried all the normal solutions - talking to professors, counseling, going home more often, being academically responsible, etc.
Somehow I always end up feeling trapped and alone and mildly suicidal.
It feels like I have to prove that I am capable of this with everything I do. Like I can't get past the slightest block.
Feeling incapable of writing an essay? - better drop out or, better yet, kill yourself.
Can't complete a reading? - same, if you can't manage the basics of the academic life you shouldn't be here.
So the options are as follows
1. stay in college
pros - I'm already here
cons - it brings me to where I am now
2. drop out
pros - it's an escape from where I'm at now
cons - there's nothing to do but get a menial job
3. kill myself
pros - I don't have to deal with anything any more
cons - much, much, much more difficult than doing nothing
Any input would be great.